Why is it so hard to trust myself?
Have you ever second-guessed your instincts, doubted your desires, or felt disconnected from what your body is trying to tell you? If so, you’re not alone. Trusting yourself- your body, your feelings, your sensations, your desires - feels like an uphill battle—one filled with self-doubt, shame, and the relentless need for external validation.
But why? Why is it so damn hard to trust yourself?
This struggle is not a personal failing.
It’s not because you are “too emotional,” “too sensitive,” or “indecisive.” These labels are distractions—designed to keep you questioning yourself rather than the system that taught you to doubt in the first place. The truth is far more entrenched: our legacy system, the kyriarchy, has systematically taught women to distrust themselves.
And this is not a coincidence. For generations, women have been conditioned to silence their intuition, suppress their desires, and disconnect from their bodies. This conditioning isn’t random or incidental—it is deliberate. The kyriarchy, an interwoven system of oppression that thrives on control and disconnection, has built its power by cutting women off from their most profound source of wisdom: themselves.
It embeds that external authority is more trustworthy than your inner voice. It convinces you that your worth is tied to how you appear, rather than how you feel. It tells you that your desires are dangerous, selfish, or shameful, rather than sacred and divine.
This isn’t hard because you lack the ability to know yourself—it’s hard because the system was designed to keep you from it.
It is much easier to control you when you doubt yourself. It is much easier to keep you small when you look to external authority to define how you feel, what you’re worth, and what it means to be “successful.” The kyriarchy thrives when you second-guess your instincts, suppress your desires, and strive endlessly for approval it will never let you fully achieve.
This disconnection is not natural. It was taught. And anything taught can be unlearned. Self-trust isn’t something you lack—it’s something you’ve been conditioned to forget.
Reclaiming it isn’t just an act of self-love; it’s an act of rebellion against the systems that profit from your disconnection.
Here’s why this disconnection runs so deep—and why reclaiming self-trust is an act of profound liberation:
The Legacy System
At its root, our legacy system that has been in play for 1000s of years (see more here), thrives on disempowering women by disconnecting them from their bodies and their inner authority.
For centuries, women have been told that their value lies in how they serve others—be it through their beauty, nurturing, or obedience—rather than in their inherent worth.
Body as an Object: Women are conditioned to view their bodies as objects to be surveilled, criticized, and controlled, rather than as sources of wisdom, pleasure, and power.
Dismissal of Intuition: Women's instincts and emotions have historically been labeled as "irrational" or "hysterical," creating a cultural narrative that undermines their ability to trust their own feelings and perceptions.
Religious and Cultural Conditioning: In many traditions, women’s bodies have been treated as sinful or shameful, reinforcing the idea that their natural desires or sensations cannot be trusted.
This legacy teaches women to prioritize external authority—whether from men, institutions, or societal norms—over their own inner knowing.
A Culture of Control and Perfectionism
Modern culture perpetuates impossible standards for women, fostering a deep sense of inadequacy that makes self-trust feel out of reach.
Diet Culture: Women are bombarded with the message that their bodies are never good enough—too big, too small, too old, too imperfect. Diet culture teaches women to override their hunger, deny their pleasure, and distrust their bodies’ natural rhythms.
Beauty Standards: The multibillion-dollar beauty industry thrives on making women feel insecure about their appearance, creating a cycle of self-doubt and external validation.
Workplace Pressure: In professional settings, women are often expected to work harder to prove their competence, leading to imposter syndrome and a tendency to second-guess their decisions.
These forces condition women to live in a state of constant self-monitoring, never feeling "enough" and doubting their worth unless it is validated by others.
Disconnection from the Body
The disconnection from the body is both a cultural norm and a survival mechanism. Women are often taught to ignore or suppress their body’s signals, leaving them estranged from their own physical and emotional truths.
Fear of Vulnerability: For many women, trusting their body feels unsafe because of a culture of harassment, assault, and objectification. This can lead to dissociation from the body as a way to protect and feel safe.
Overriding Signals: Women are taught to suppress or mistrust their natural bodily instincts. For example:
Ignoring hunger cues to adhere to restrictive diets.
Dismissing pain or discomfort to appear "strong" or "resilient."
Ignoring their "gut feelings" in favor of being polite or accommodating.
Medical Gaslighting: Women’s pain and symptoms are often dismissed or minimized by healthcare providers, reinforcing the message that their bodies cannot be trusted.
These experiences create a profound rift between a woman and her body, making it difficult to feel at home in herself or trust the messages her body sends.
The Policing of Pleasure
Pleasure is a radical act of self-trust, yet it is one of the first things taken away from women by cultural conditioning.
Sexual Shame: Women are often taught to feel ashamed of their sexual desires or to prioritize male pleasure over their own. This disconnection from sexual agency makes it harder to trust their own pleasure and boundaries.
Productivity Culture: In a culture that glorifies productivity and hustle, pleasure is often seen as indulgent or lazy. Women are praised for self-sacrifice and criticized for prioritizing their own joy.
Fear of Judgment: Women who openly embrace their pleasure—whether through their appearance, sexuality, or lifestyle choices—are often judged or labeled as "too much," creating fear around fully embodying their desires.
Without permission to feel or pursue pleasure, women are conditioned to mistrust the very things that make them feel alive and aligned with themselves.
The Weight of Generational Trauma
Generational trauma and systemic oppression also play a significant role in a woman’s ability to trust herself.
Inherited Shame: Many women carry the unspoken fears, limitations, and shame of the generations before them, who lived in even more repressive times.
Survival Strategies: Women have inherited survival mechanisms—such as people-pleasing, silence, or self-doubt—that were necessary for previous generations to navigate patriarchal systems. These patterns, while understandable, can block self-trust in the present.
Cultural Expectations: Women are often burdened with the responsibility of upholding family or cultural traditions, even when those traditions conflict with their personal truth.
This intergenerational weight can make it hard for women to break free and trust their unique path.
The Noise of External Validation
From an early age, women are taught to seek approval from others rather than from within.
Social Media: Platforms like Instagram and TikTok amplify the pressure to curate a perfect image, leading women to compare themselves to unattainable ideals.
People-Pleasing: Many women are conditioned to prioritize others’ needs and opinions over their own, leaving little room for self-trust.
Fear of Rejection: Trusting oneself often requires stepping outside cultural norms, which can invite criticism or rejection.
This constant pursuit of external validation makes it difficult for women to hear and honor their own inner voice.
A Culture of Fear and Judgment
Fear is one of the greatest barriers to self-trust, and women are often surrounded by messages that amplify fear.
Fear of Failure: Women are often held to higher standards, making them hesitant to take risks or trust their decisions.
Fear of Judgment: Women are judged harshly for their choices—whether they’re too ambitious, too emotional, too sexual, or too independent.
Fear of Safety: A culture of violence against women creates a baseline of fear that can erode trust in oneself and the world.
These fears can create internalized doubt, making it hard for women to feel safe trusting their instincts, bodies, or decisions.
Reclaiming Self-Trust and PLEASURE…
While the barriers to self-trust are significant, they are not insurmountable. Reclaiming self-trust is a radical act that involves reconnecting with the body, honoring intuition, and rejecting the cultural narratives that seek to disempower.
Listening to the Body: Rebuilding trust begins with listening to your body’s signals—its hunger, its fatigue, its joy, its boundaries—and honoring what it needs.
Embracing Pleasure: Pleasure is a gateway to self-trust. By following what feels good, women can reconnect with their desires and reclaim their agency.
Rejecting Perfectionism: Self-trust grows when women let go of the need to be perfect and allow themselves to be human—flawed, messy, and worthy of love.
Surrounding Yourself with Support: Building self-trust is easier when women are surrounded by communities that validate and celebrate their truth.
Reclaiming self-trust is both an act of resistance and a pathway to liberation. It allows women to return to themselves, to their bodies, and to their innate wisdom—a homecoming that is as powerful as it is necessary.
Step Into 2025 Overflowing With Pleasure, Power & Self-Love
This is your invitation to start the new year with intention, embodiment, and a luscious commitment to your fullest self. It’s time to stop holding back and step into the most delicious, love-soaked version of you.
Through this uniquely transformative offering, we’ll unlock your ultimate pleasure potential for 2025.
What’s Waiting for You
Clarity & Insight: A personalized Pleasure Alchemy Deck Reading that uncovers your desires, dreams, and energetic path for the year ahead.
Embodiment & Integration: A custom Breathing Into Pleasure session that anchors you into your body, helping you ground, feel, and embody the pleasure-filled possibilities we’ll uncover.
A Beautiful Keepsake: A detailed .pdf of your Pleasure Alchemy Reading, along with a recording of our session, so you can revisit your journey anytime.
What You’ll Receive:
A 90-minute session that combines the magic of intuitive card reading with the transformative power of guided breathwork.
A space to explore and anchor into your most expansive, embodied self for 2025.
A juicy, love-soaked start to the year that’s all about YOU—your pleasure, your desires, and your deepest truths.
Are You Ready to Begin?
Your journey begins with a quick text conversation where we’ll explore your vision for 2025—the year you ground into your body, embrace your desires, and unfold into your most radiant self.
From there, I’ll craft a tailored Pleasure Alchemy Deck Reading and guide you through a powerful breathwork session designed to help you embody the potent magic we uncover.
This is your chance to set the tone for 2025:
Grounded in your body.
Overflowing with self-love.
Rooted in pleasure and power.