As the creator of the somatic self-love approach, I’ve drawn heavily from established theories such as Antonio Damasio’s Somatic Marker Hypothesis and the seminal work of Dr. Bessel van der Kolk. Somatic Marker theory hypothesizes that our emotional experiences leave physiological imprints or ‘markers’ on the body, which influence our future decision-making and emotional responses.

And to quote the pioneering trauma researcher Dr. Bessel van der Kolk:

“The body keeps the score: If the memory of the trauma is encoded in the viscera, in heartbreaking and gut-wrenching emotions, in autoimmune disorders and skeletal/muscular problems, and if mind/brain/visceral communication is the royal road to emotion regulation, this demands a radical shift in our therapeutic assumptions.”

The Body Loop of Unmet Needs

Engaging in somatic self-love can aid in navigating this therapeutic shift. It involves practices that root the experience of love within the body, enabling us to nurture and affirm ourselves in tangible, physical ways. It integrates empathy and understanding, allowing us to express love towards those aspects of ourselves that have been scarred by past traumas. This process, however, may bring about a unique form of grief. 

Acknowledging the Grief

By acknowledging this grief, we validate the experiences of our past selves, helping to process and release these somatic markers. This is not about dwelling in self-pity, but a courageous act of self-recognition, validating the strength within us that carried us through those difficult times.

Create New Markers

Somatic self-love encourages us to listen to these body loops, these echoes of our past emotional experiences, and respond with mindful, body-based practices. This could be through mindful movement, breathwork, or body scans, creating a safe space for these emotions to be felt, seen, and ultimately, transformed.

As we engage with these somatic markers, we not only process the grief of unmet needs, but also create new body loops of self-care and self-nurturing. Over time, these new loops replace the old ones, shifting our emotional responses and decision-making patterns towards more self-loving choices.

Creating a New Narrative

As we acknowledge our grief and engage with our body’s wisdom, we begin to rewrite our inner narrative. No longer a story marked by neglect, we cultivate a narrative of resilience, self-care, and self-affirmation.

This process is not a denial of past grief but a testament to our capacity for growth, healing, and transformation. It’s about recognizing our past, honoring our present, and looking forward to a future of continued self-love and self-nurturing.

The Transformative Power of Grief

The grief of unmet needs, when held with compassion and engaged with through somatic practices, can become a catalyst for deepening our self-love. Instead of being a source of perpetual pain, it can become a wellspring of wisdom, guiding us toward the areas within us that need our love and care the most.

As you embark on your somatic self-love journey, I invite you to make space for your grief. Validate it. Honor it. Engage with it. In doing so, you will be taking powerful steps towards a deeper, more resilient form of self-love — one that is grounded in the wisdom of your body and the truth of your experiences.

Somatic Self-Love Ritual for Acknowledging Grief and Unmet Needs

This ritual incorporates somatic narrative processes, which involves using body-based practices to explore and reshape our personal narratives. By engaging with our physical sensations and emotions, we can create a new narrative of self-love and self-care.

Preparation

Begin by creating a soothing, safe space for yourself. You might light a candle, play soft music or prepare a warm cup of herbal tea. Make sure you won’t be disturbed for the duration of the ritual.

Step 1: Grounding

Start by grounding yourself. Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Feel the rise and fall of your chest, the sensation of your body against the chair or floor. This is your safe base, your anchor.

Step 2: Body Scan

Next, perform a body scan. Starting from the top of your head, slowly move your attention down through your body, noticing any sensations or feelings that arise. Don’t try to change or judge anything you find, just observe.

Step 3: Acknowledging Grief

If you encounter areas of tension or discomfort, this might be where your grief resides. Acknowledge these sensations, understanding they might represent the grief of unmet needs. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up, offering these sensations your compassion and understanding.

Step 4: Dialogue with Grief

Begin a dialogue with your grief. Ask it what it needs to tell you. What does it want you to know? Listen for any words, images, or sensations that arise. This is your grief’s narrative, its way of communicating with you.

Step 5: Reshaping the Narrative

Now, imagine what it would feel like to meet these unmet needs. What would it feel like to receive the love, care, or empathy you needed? As you imagine this, notice any changes in your body. This is the beginning of a new body loop, a new somatic narrative of self-care and affirmation.

Step 6: Affirmation and Self-Love

Create an affirmation that embodies this new narrative. It might be something like, “I am worthy of love and care,” or “I nurture and affirm myself in every moment.” Repeat this affirmation, feeling each word resonate within you.

Step 7: Closing

To close the ritual, take a few moments to thank your body and your grief for their wisdom. Recognize the courage it took to engage with your grief and honor your commitment to self-love and growth.

Aftercare

After the ritual, take care of yourself. You might journal about your experience, draw, or rest. Remember to drink water and eat something nourishing.

This ritual can be done as often as you feel the need. It’s a tool for deepening your somatic self-love, for transforming grief into a wellspring of wisdom and affirmation. Through it, you are creating a new narrative of self-care and self-love within your body, one that honors your past, nurtures your present, and empowers your future.

Embrace Healing Through Breath: Somatic Self-Love Breathwork Session

Grief is a complex, multifaceted experience, often leaving us feeling both emotionally and physically drained. But imagine if you could navigate this process in a more grounded, compassionate way? Our Somatic Self-Love Breathwork session is designed to guide you towards that possibility.

Breathwork is a potent tool that connects us with our body, our emotions, and our innate capacity to heal. It invites us to listen to the wisdom of our bodies, to honor our physical and emotional responses to life, and to cultivate an intimate, compassionate relationship with our embodied selves.

By participating in this session, you’ll learn how to use breathwork to sit with your grief, to be comfortable with discomfort, and to extend compassion and understanding to your grieving self. This is a somatic process: our bodies physically respond to grief, and by acknowledging and honoring this response, we deepen our connection with our own bodily wisdom.

Sign up for our Somatic Self-Love Breathwork session today. Experience the power of breath in healing, in self-love, in being with grief. Breathe in peace, breathe out stress. Reconnect with your body, and allow your inner strength to guide your healing journey.

You are not alone in your grief. Join us and discover the empowering potential of breathwork.