Fawning: Sometimes We Need to Practice ‘Caring Less’

Often, people with unresolved trauma go into a fawn response as a coping mechanism. Why is it good for them to practice “caring less”?

The “fawn” response is a coping mechanism that individuals with unresolved trauma may use to keep themselves safe in threatening or dangerous situations. 

The fawn response involves adapting to the needs and desires of others as a way to avoid conflict or harm.

While the fawn response may be effective in the short term for avoiding harm, it can be harmful in the long term as it can lead to a pattern of people-pleasing, codependency, and a lack of assertiveness. 

In addition, individuals who rely on the fawn response may struggle with feelings of guilt, shame, or inadequacy when they cannot please or appease others.

Learning to “care less” to release the need to please others and prioritize their own needs and boundaries can be a helpful step in healing from unresolved trauma. 

This does not mean becoming completely indifferent or apathetic toward others but instead learning to balance caring for oneself with caring for others.

Practicing somatic self-love, setting boundaries, and learning to assert oneself can reduce reliance on the fawn response and promote healing from unresolved trauma. 

It can also help individuals develop greater self-worth, self-respect, and self-compassion. 

Working with a therapist or mental health professional can be helpful in developing skills to manage the fawn response and promote healthy coping mechanisms.

Additionally, here are some examples of self-care practices that can help heal from unresolved trauma:

1. Somatic meditations: can help you develop greater awareness of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations. These practices can help you stay present in the moment and reduce feelings of stress and anxiety.
2. Exercise: Engaging in regular exercise can help reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety, and promote feelings of well-being. Exercise can also be a way to release pent-up emotions and tension in the body.
3. Creative expression: Engaging in creative activities such as art, music, or writing can be a way to process difficult emotions and experiences. Creative expression can help you gain insight into your emotions and promote relaxation and self-expression.
4. Nature walks: Spending time in nature can have a calming effect on the mind and body. Walking in nature can also be a way to promote physical activity and reduce feelings of stress and anxiety.
5. Somatic self-love: Practicing somatic self-love involves treating yourself with kindness and understanding, as you would a friend. This can involve talking to yourself gently and neutrally and learning to accept yourself as you are.
6. Journaling: Writing in a journal can be a way to process difficult emotions and experiences. Journaling can help you gain clarity and insight into your thoughts and feelings, and can be a way to track your progress over time.
7. Developing a support network: Building relationships with people who are supportive and understanding can be an important part of healing from trauma. This can involve reaching out to friends and family, joining a support group, or working with a therapist or mental health professional.

Remember that somatic self-love looks different for everyone, so it’s important to find practices that work for you and that you enjoy. It’s also important to be patient with yourself and to practice self-compassion as you work to heal from unresolved trauma.